Lindsay Lohan Playboy: As You Wish

Saturday, December 10, 2011 at 4:22 AM

When I'm circling the drain, I'll let you see my boobies

This is it? Sorry, Hefner, been there, done that. Did the whole "channeling Marilyn Monroe" thing already, it wasn't sexy, it was just the only way to get this airhead to do a nude shoot. Hef, you just did the same thing. I'm hoping that these so-called "leaked" photos are a red herring, an advertising coup, and you have the real stuff ticking away in a vault somewhere, ready to explode.

Because if this is it, son, you've really lost touch. Small wonder nobody buys your magazine.

Update 12/14/11: Okay, so I wasn't supposed to host those on Google. My apologies. And one day after sending you to Imgur, the Web Police have that link shut down as well. Since I led you astray, let's just post a few Lohan Hawaii vacation pics after the Playboy cover. Fair? They're hella better than Playboy anyway. And if you absolutely have to see Lohan flashing her cups and pretending to be Monroe, follow the above link to the Superficial site.

Any problems with all that, email me at mysecondwishblog@gmail.com and let's talk about it.

Whoa! Caught before you could suck it in

Point to the douchebags with thumb and pinkie finger

from other publications:

Once again, Thanks Lindsay…

Sara Leal Photo Leaks!

Saturday, November 26, 2011 at 2:38 PM

Oh, Ashton you dirty boy

Give thanks to Kabbalah, that didn't take long did it! How on Earth did these photos leak out over the Internet and beyond? We at Second Wish are beside ourselves with wonder.

And such is the life of an attention whore living her 15 minutes of fame. Squeeze every last drop from your whoring stroke of good fortune (a la Kardashian), never question why people want to know anything about your dumb ass, and systematically leak cheesecake photos and, oh yeah, you know it's coming... the Sex Tape.

Well, anyway Sara Leal, good luck to you, convert to Kabbalah, bleed the Douche for whatever you can as he spins his own star into the blackness of whoring oblivion. We're going to showcase your one and only talent here with the obvious password of "attention."

More to follow, as long as the public thirsts for it.

Chicks with Big Noses dot com

A douchebag for every pretty girl

Demi, baby, it’s not like that… we’re just friends…

Bros before hoes: back seat bitch.

And after the 15 minutes:

Sara Leal Succubus

Friday, November 18, 2011 at 10:07 PM

Clint had Sondra Locke

What the hell am I doing with this broad

Ellen had Anne Heche

Anything for a bit part

Rosanne had Tom Arnold

Whoa! Okay you earned this one

Demi had Douchebag Kutcher

Suit + Skull Cap = Douche

Can't eat, can't sleep, husband cheating

Letting some freeloading no talent hitch a ride on your coattails is nothing new in Hollywood or life, but it hurts just as hard if you let yourself believe it’s anything else than what it is.

So now, after a long stint doing nothing solid besides camera commercials, and I defy you to name the product, Ashton Douchebag Kutcher has landed a nice cushy job as replacement for the time bomb which was Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Finally his star is rising. Now he can ditch the old woman, right, and be his own man.

What will come out in the future, is that Douchebag had been cheating all along, and not just with the young little attention whore in San Diego. Demi Moore had more than likely been wary of his wandering eye, but it was after he’d been cast as the Charlie Sheen clone when Douchebag had had enough of marriage. He had used her up. It was time to believe his own bullshit.

I read a few reports of how the Douche had been scared of his wife, that she’d become gaunt, sickly. Easily explained, by anyone who has experienced it. She’s not eating and she’s stressed out, Douchbag, because you’re cheating on her. She most likely is hardly eating at all and only sleeps little fitful catnaps.

The pictures below are the ones making the rounds; I’m not offering anything new. Those will come. What we have here are a few Facebook posts of some 22 year old bleached San Diego attention whore who wants to “tell her story.” Allow me to sum up: Got invited to a party, found some horny actor, spread for him, wants her 15 minutes of fame for it. There. Saved you the price of the next edition of People.

What we can be thankful for here, is that like the trio of users above, Douchebag Kutcher, after severing ties to the tail that brought him his undeserved fame, will fade to well deserved obscurity.

And not a second too soon.

Sara Leal, Attention (and other) Whore