My Second Wish: Sara Leal Succubus

Clint had Sondra Locke

What the hell am I doing with this broad

Ellen had Anne Heche

Anything for a bit part

Rosanne had Tom Arnold

Whoa! Okay you earned this one

Demi had Douchebag Kutcher

Suit + Skull Cap = Douche

Can't eat, can't sleep, husband cheating

Letting some freeloading no talent hitch a ride on your coattails is nothing new in Hollywood or life, but it hurts just as hard if you let yourself believe it’s anything else than what it is.

So now, after a long stint doing nothing solid besides camera commercials, and I defy you to name the product, Ashton Douchebag Kutcher has landed a nice cushy job as replacement for the time bomb which was Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Finally his star is rising. Now he can ditch the old woman, right, and be his own man.

What will come out in the future, is that Douchebag had been cheating all along, and not just with the young little attention whore in San Diego. Demi Moore had more than likely been wary of his wandering eye, but it was after he’d been cast as the Charlie Sheen clone when Douchebag had had enough of marriage. He had used her up. It was time to believe his own bullshit.

I read a few reports of how the Douche had been scared of his wife, that she’d become gaunt, sickly. Easily explained, by anyone who has experienced it. She’s not eating and she’s stressed out, Douchbag, because you’re cheating on her. She most likely is hardly eating at all and only sleeps little fitful catnaps.

The pictures below are the ones making the rounds; I’m not offering anything new. Those will come. What we have here are a few Facebook posts of some 22 year old bleached San Diego attention whore who wants to “tell her story.” Allow me to sum up: Got invited to a party, found some horny actor, spread for him, wants her 15 minutes of fame for it. There. Saved you the price of the next edition of People.

What we can be thankful for here, is that like the trio of users above, Douchebag Kutcher, after severing ties to the tail that brought him his undeserved fame, will fade to well deserved obscurity.

And not a second too soon.

Sara Leal, Attention (and other) Whore