Dear Abby: Where Are All the Single Men?

Where the boys are

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I are women in our late 40s and early 50s. Some of us are married, some are single. Individually or as a group we have taken classes, volunteered, gone on cruises, gone to clubs and bars -- you name it.

We have noticed that nearly everyone at these activities is either female or with a female as part of a couple. There are loads of single middle-aged women out there joining things and having fun, but there seem to be almost no single middle-aged men. Friends in various parts of the country report the same thing.

Where do the single men go? They rarely go out alone or with a male buddy. Our running joke is they're all home watching bad cable TV.

Middle-aged guys must be there somewhere, but where? You'd think that if they wanted to meet women, they'd go where women are, but we rarely see them. Can you solve this mystery for us? -- WHERE THE BOYS AREN'T, NORTHERN WYOMING

Can’t find a man, really?

Abby gave some answer about how men are intimidated by large groups of women and will rarely approach them. And that if you want to meet men, why not try online. Good answers by a seasoned columnist. But they don't reach the nucleus of the problem.

So if it's okay with you Abby, I'll take this one.

In a few words: women spend all their lives keeping their friends and chasing his all off. Now they're divorced and out clubbing, but the men have had enough of women's games and are quietly enjoying simple lives. Don't blame the men. You made them so.

Good luck out there. 

Worse Than Casey Anthony? Baby Raping Mother Gets Two Life Terms

Worse than Casey Anthony? Tessa L. Vanvlerah

Tessa L. Vanvlerah was sentenced on April 30, 2012 to two consecutive life terms in prison for prostituting her then-five-month-old daughter to California State East Bay professor Kenneth L. Kyle. Kyle would travel to Ballwin, Missouri from San Francisco and while staying in different hotels, Kyle and Vanvlerah would rape the baby while taking pictures and videos. That’s child pornography, for the uninitiated. Vanvlerah, not to be left out, allowed Kyle to choke her, burn her and urinate on her during their visits. 

Meet your new neighbors

Unsurprisingly, Vanvlerah's attorneys argued for probation, stating that this Mother of the Year had a psychological condition called dependent-personality disorder and would be at risk in prison to fall under the spells of the stronger personalities. The judge either disagreed or didn’t care. Meanwhile, her daughter, who is now 3 years old, has been adopted by her foster family and her new mom says she still has night terrors, but she doesn't scream anymore when someone gives her a bath or changes her diaper.

Other POS Kyle

A little about the other POS, Professor Kyle: According to Kyle's faculty bio, his "teaching and research interests revolve around the application of critical theories such as Critical Literary Theory, Feminism(s), Frankfurt School Critical Theory, Marxism, etc., to specific social problems and public policies."

Yech. Ever thought that your college professor was just a stuffed shirt spewing finely tuned jargon to confuse people into thinking he was smart? Well, enter Kyle the baby raping poster boy.

Kyle was arrested after returning to the Bay Area from Austria after an FBI operation tracking file-sharing of photos depicting children being sexually abused purportedly pinpointed the professor's home.

Dinner is served

Admittedly, the prof wanted Vanvlerah to also engage in bestiality, but that’s where she drew the line. I mean, come on! The prof’s first book, Contextualizing Homelessness: Critical Theory, Homelessness, and Federal Policy Addressing the Homeless, is poised now to reach number one on the New York Times bestseller list.

Not really. Nobody wanted to read that crud in the first place, and they sure don’t now. Look for that particular title in the list of ironies, as Kyle and his child raping pal will spend a long time now not being homeless in Federal prison. He, 37 years; she, 2 life terms. Bye-bye, assholes.

Here’s hoping their food is vile and laced with things only a prison population can produce.

I am Miley Cyrus Taking Pilates

Talkin’ ‘bout my generation: It’s Pilates

Pilates. Developed by a German named Joseph Pilates, an exercise routine stressing breathing, toning, strength, and flexibility.

One could also say yoga, except if we want to have the exact same thing in another generation, we pretend someone “invented” something new and that makes us all feel hip and cool. 

It’s yoga.

Who cares. Miley Cyrus, here, takes Pilates (the class, not the guy) in West Hollywood. She attributes Pilates to her finely toned, in shape body. That, and being 19 freaking years old, for God’s sake. So she eats good food and exercises. When you’re 19 years old you don’t need to do much more than that. Then again Britney Spears was once 19 years old. Hahaha!! Oh, memories.

Creepy Dad and his hillbilly friends

I wish I had Miley money. I would also eat things that you’ve never heard of, brought to me by people whose names I cannot pronounce. But it wouldn’t matter because I don’t need to know their names. I have money. I am Miley Cyrus.

The only drawback to being me, is that I have this creepy dad who wears a mullet and got me to pose in this weird Vanity Fair shoot with him. But it’s okay because the media swallowed the whole “artsy” excuse. Creeeepy Daaad…

What is it with screwy fathers anyway? Lindsay Lohan has one. Michael Jackson had one. Ozzy Osbourne is one. So is Hulk Hogan.

But that doesn’t matter. I don’t have to worry about them or any dads. I have money and talent. I have an army of people who do what I want. I take Pilates.

I am Miley Cyrus.

Miley coming from Pilates in West Hollywood:

  

 Miley still in West Hollywood’s Pilates. She changed her clothes to hide from me. But I found her. I'll always find her. I am Creepy Dad. 

 

 

  

  

Luscious Sexy Lips

Ah, the lips. The full frontal feature, that part of the anatomy that transcends breasts, legs, and all other manifests of the woman’s offerings for center attention. Studies have been made to assess that part of the body which men find most attractive, and of course, or as a matter of point for this post at least, lips came out on top. Especially if she’s wearing that most devious of devilish colors, red. Scientists who have surreptitiously studied such phenomena have discovered that in the first ten seconds of meeting a woman, more than half the time is spent looking at… her mouth. Yum.

Not looking at your eyes

The study, carried out by scientists at Manchester University, involved tracking the eye movements of 50 men as they were presented with images of different women. When the gals wore lipstick, men gazed at those luscious worms for nearly 7 seconds. Without makeup, they were more inclined to look into a gal’s eyes. Go figure. Full lips were actually more inviting, though thinner lips became noticeably more enthralling once makeup was applied.

Scrape off those cold sores

If that’s the case, shouldn’t you be trying to dress up that thing, so it’s presentable at least? Following, for your pleasure or amusement as it were, are some of the most wondrous lips and colors culled from the Internet. Most are quite enchanting.

So sweeten that chapped skin, scrape off the cold sores, pour on some lip gloss and wait by your phone. Because Prince Charming is about to come calling.

 Red

 I’m looking at... uh... hm.

 

 Pink

Wallpaper

 

 Smoke

 Blue, Green, and Yellow

 

 Two (or more) Toned

Black and Gold

 Candy

Wallpaper

 

 Rainbow